This will be the last post for January and February, and so its a long one bye.

Happy Birthday

And so January came and February will later coming on.I was occupied. I sometimes feel a big burden on my back I need to lift on however I couldnt just leave it right over there without finishing the last touch on it.
So today, we went to EE(Early experience) and doing some ECGs thing. Fun sober.Btw,EE was never boring trust me.Now I love medics with all my heart.And I went to see Dr Ghada to ask about my thesis,well, technically here it is called the SSC, which I always forgot what it stands for,never mind. I was loaded lots of uncomfortable feeling the moment beforre I saw her.What;s on my mind was due dates,SCs,units, exam retake, thesis,tittle of thesis(wether it's ok enuff or not),meetings,classes(which I take unofficially and it's not medical classes; more like kelas agama),studies and bubbles bubbles of everything on my radiohead and thesis what most worries me.I just feel so goddem heavy I really need some soothe moment for MYSELF.

There,I see her.Dr Gadha was a mother nature super nice doctor I've ever meet(since she was the first Dr I ever went to see for the whole sems of my life in egypt) and I fall for her.hehe.kidding.She gave me supportive advices and speaks really polite.

Oh How.And that moment I realized,why should I care to those who talks backboning or sidesiders.Why should I care about people's opinion about my title when it was actually suggested by my super senior who has 89.7692% more knowledge than who criticized it.Why again should I pay any notes to people who actually tend to dengki to my thesis when Dr Ghada said that mine was a "one of a kind" title she ever met because she thinks that all others before me who went to see her use the same title as previous students(our seniors).She loves my title and thinks it's something new.*so I made revolution.ehem ehem*A big laugh for that.Why should I think everything is hard for me when every answers and the way out is already in front of my eyes.And I realized that I am on my cracking track right now on behalf of almost futur but my ruhil saviour was always there closer than my jugular veins.

And today, I learned to make things sincerely.I don't need to get sulking over things when I do things lillahitaala. And it's kind of difficult to tell these to some mere humans who actually walking on the land of the Creator and actually boasting off about themselves.Boasting doesn't always mean like "Hey,I'm better than you" or "You are stuppid I'm a mumtazian" or "Oh,sorry I can;t give that poor busuk dirty little girl my sacred valuable money" ok?Its not always those I mentioned.It sometimes can be when you're doing things not by willing.Bceause you think you are in a place where you should do better things rather than the things you are supposed to do that moment.Like when your friend asked you to do something and you don't really want to do it and lasts you do it.But without your actual wills.And that, cause some blooms of soul diseases or viruses that can never be treated unless you get back to the real track and renew(tajdid) the niat.And so the results will be a smiling happy face which comes from a satisfied heart of doing deeds because of Allah Himself and Only.:)..And yes,I take this as a lesson.

Back to title of the post,yea MAYBE.I'll be sleeping in the coffin for a while.I have some or more and much much more other things to be settled on and my planner was a curry-puff's inti.huhu.At least it makes me spend less time for doing lagha2.hehe:P.So this is not long enough?I know you're already sweating reading.Bye.

ps:This is a very quick unchecked post.Read it with a dictionary ok.:D

All I see here was gloomy feeling, coated with cheap made-up happiness.
It was a sorrow jealousy of wanting to go to Spain or Turkey.
or playing with a toddler.

hee.
my writing skills is way off after some quarrel between the mind and heart.
agaga will be ok later

bye.

Rayuan Nurani

Di antara kudrat Tuhan
Dia mencipta mnusia
Sebagai khalifah mentadbir bumi ini
Juga sebagai hamba nan berbakti dan berbudi
Ingatlah Tuhan yang Maha Kuasa

Ombak yang menderu
Dedaun berterbangan
Terkadang mengkhayalkan diriku
Terlupa aku pada pencipta yang Esa
Yang sentiasa melihat diriku

Di mana... Di mana berada
Di mana... Oh di manakah diriku

Adakah di jalan lurus atau dijalan yang berliku
Oh Tuhan tunjukkan ku jalan kebenaran
Ku tahu jalan bahagia
Penuh onak jua cabaran
Oh Tuhan beri kekuatan pada ku

Demi mendapat keredhaan dari Mu
Sanggup ku tempuhi ranjau yang penuh berliku
Dengan rahmat Mu ya Tuhan
Selamatkanlah diriku
Dari seksaan api neraka Mu

by: Saff One

Do you know how it feels when you are in the middle of freaking confusion you just couldn't see any dots of light to any conclusion?

It's like drowning without breathing.

Oh,in another way,
DEAD.

xx

and the story of my sweetsour pomato begins.

I was actually feeling mad and weird and absurd and numb and things I couldn't describe myself.It just too many it comes in a bulk in my head and my heart, I felt lost and tired.Too tired to even say anything .Too tired it makes me drool in my 5-mins nap, tired ;more than a the feel after answering a must-fail Math paper which makes you turn pages by pages of the exam paper to eventually ask yourself"which dumb invented Math anyway,I'm a Math atheist from now on".It was more.more and MORE.

The feeling wasn't come from a physical activity of me running 30km around istad or jumping hurdles that I could never do with this lack of cm of my legs or skipping with a rapia rope whatever,it comes from the wind of rumors of chickenated pamarazzis that makes me sick.

RUTUF(get what I mean?No?please find another blog.bye)

i grinned for this.hik:)

technically, i stole it from lecture slide.
who cares anyway.
hehe.
its cute.
:)

bye

x

bye pbl?haha.

x

the supremecy of (hurly burly)constitution

So, hye.

Wish me a stable endurance physical and emotional indoctrinate of passing through hurdles and boards during this loaded packed week which I hope I am gifted with some bionic willpower that could make me get going with all the tasks given with perfect scrutiny job such finial artworks in Rome or Picasso's masterpieces ,I mean so it's not being just a scuttering matter of laughs of people around nor a piece of scrimshank that born by scrimmage organization of unsettled me.And all that runs through my mind now were due dates and dates itself on a so-called planner which, still, can make you suffocate when you are actually on a long term O2 therapy supervision.
Please.

Plovers may be small but they can fly high and higher.
rather than a vogue peahen with versatile elegant fur as an outfit but no, they're just stepping on the deadly place of earth.You can never see the world because you got short legs and stroke wings!Pathetic.

Again,I talked rubbish.
Make up your mind, set your aim , and
be someone else?
Don't be yourself, be your good-self and make it a habit.:)

Bye

x

I love crayons more than you do,
back off.

i talked zibalah.

The talk given by Prof Latif(a someone) tonight was brilliant somehow amusing.I hope I could trace something from it(I mean,of course I'm tracing something from it).But,all I do was planting the seeds of hope in Handusah during that 1hour motivational talk that I will do this and not that,I will try to be this way not that, bla bla bla and when I get home,those inspired spirits was totally an ashes.I bury the hopes in a wrong vase of desires when I supposed to let it grow in a more appropriate way; erasing up the seaboard of mind and try to figure out what;s ahead and let the bad chargers sail away.

Mom said,I took things for granted.I resist to deny it and this is a royal confession.It all starts beyond yourself and I need to get some flashbacks about what did I do during my yesteryears of SPM and matrix which I could live my full and packed life to the fullest without any kiddish muttering like I did now,sigh.It's not that I'm not trying hard.I did it trillion miliminutes of my breath and all I could see was unsettled chores with messed up desks ,half-prepared notes,puke up bucket of a week laundry and bad feelings about all this.

FH emailed me just now motivating me with alot of aphorisms, quotations which I could only hope,I can get some burn up enthusiasm through all this,at least.A dawdler will always be in his hibernating state unless he find himself waking up in some minor holocaust,then the action will speak louder than words.And why should you wait for that holocaust,the calamity to come in the first place?Wasn't being in comfort zones was discomfort enough?

I don't chew advices ;I just let them pass me with appreciation and closed apostrophies.
Now,I get what it means when my sister said "You got a concrete-head,you know!".

x

Duduk je kat Malaysia diam2 ok(learning to debate in arabic)

"Ada satu bahagian dalam badan yang mana apabila rosaknya ia,maka rosaklah seluruh anggota yang lain;itulah hati"

Bukan liver,ok?Tapi kalau rosak liver,bertoksiklah badan kita,rosaklah juga badan,
whew,that's a point?:D
i just couldn't stand the fraud and phantoms that sometimes playing hankypanky around me.
i don't know why.
like i've been threatening them with such loses they could never bear.
and that makes me seems so dangerous?
what the ham!
and that's what you call spit of spite.
why?
back to my first line about the"hati" thing.



no comment.

bye

x.

i never use this voip thing before.

Voip'ing with mom just now.

I am stressed out she said.Why?
Because I'm having an exam syndrome everytime it's exam weeks.
The cronologies:

SPM-high fever on the first day.I still remember answering my Agama Islam paper on that first day with shaking shivering hands.Eventually pass with flying colours,alhamdulillah.

MATRIX-Stomachache.Bad one that turn me white and pale.I remembered answering whatever things passing by my head which I could think of on my killer Biology paper because I just couldn't thinkof anything else better than the pain of my tummy that time.And yes,lasts with an A for Biology,alhamdulillah.

First year (Egypt)-Gastroentitis(another stomach prob) which I've been admitted to hospital for 3 days and yet still managed to get a "jayyid" at least,alhamdulillah.

Second year(Egypt)-Another stomachache and absent during exam.What's next?Please pray for me.

note that:all come during exams only.*sigh*
still looking for a cure:D
x

sip slowly.

I want to spill the coffee out of the cup,
I just can't.
Because there's a cap on it.

take a step into a world of symbolic maturity.

Ey guys.

I'm having some syndrome right now.A syndrome which can kill me in no time.
It's like having the highest stage(it's 4 isn't it?) of brain tumor but there's no such thing as chemotherapy or CT scan or pills or-therapy whatever you call those, around you.You just have time for your death.
Or it's like you're having a breaking legs accident, with both of that tibia and febula of yours is dysfunctioning already and you were in an age where crutch never been invented yet and you just have to sit on your coach playing "look me in the eyes,not the legs" thing with some pitiful , lame and dull cat named Malak everyday.
Or it's like the feeling where you're having a new cell phone which you bought at it's very best price with the most cool functions and ability to get 2 sims at once, to make a conference calls, to do everything that a non-color screen Nokia would never able to do and lasts realized that it was just a fake babies cell phone with no battery inside with terribly annoying ringtones that give you heart attack-just because you didn't take a second look of that liar salesman product.

Or,it's like when you have a 1 folder of Sem 3 full of slides in front of you but you just don't have any urge to even loook at it because you think you're genius enough to study 2 days before exam.

Those;PATHETICALLY PATHETIC.

Done said.

x

night sky had a story to tell.

Obstacles were bait.
That sometimes backhanders some pain.
those clan sprinkles some vain
flutter your sufferings to seem so plain
and brag in some weather
when you think of rain
it gave you some light green contrivance
that loosen up some constrain
seemingly clogging some saint brain
and the zephyr blew order of refrain
and I am still there
far from any convenience but contamination
of freaking nerve and veins war
those bonehead I cursed abysmally
inquisitive so wrong
but never been too right
so let it pass by
yet even a blue oak seems rational
and black milk seems not funny
and what you gain is all.


Iman.

©copyright reserved

ps: sometimes we never know when our friends is in difficulties, or hardness too harsh they need us to be around but we're so not there for them because we are such a useless somebody(we don;t deserve the title "friend".its too majesty)

pps : sorry for being so careless .love you:(

watching you.

mysterious yet so obvious.

x