nomad

just one wish

2012-01-20T20:36:00.001+02:00

Don't break her heart.

“so I wait for you like a lonely house

till you will see me again and live in me.

Till then my windows ache.”

―Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

anonymous

2012-01-14T02:51:00.001+02:00

I just happened to suddenly fall for these.

" Dear Alice,

Don’t worry too much about having well drawn out maps and charts – we are all cartographing our own ones as we grow and mature.

You only really need that compass within. The compass that points to the Creator.
Search for the Creator and you will find those who search for Him too.

Venturing into the unknown is always daunting. We are all just as confused, just as frustrated, just as afraid. But maybe, just maybe, that’s the way He intended us to be. So that we may find comfort in each other, and chart those maps together.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” – 30:21

I truly hope you give yourself a chance and when he comes along, you give him his chance too. You never know, he might just have the missing pieces to your map and you his.

Love,
Wonderland"

x

Nostalgic V

2012-01-07T02:45:00.003+02:00

What does somehow brings back memory out of a crimson?

smells and songs.

x

be..

2012-01-06T14:00:00.000+02:00

1. strong, active but bitter
2. an Ophelia, a Cleopatra (was it that tragic?)
3. blunt but a stevia inside
4. half of your sufferings
5. meteoric and abrupt
6. dive for conscience and its beneficial derivatives
7. enough

alhamdulillah for all the blessings.

ps: resmi padi itu sangat halus maksudnya cuma ramai tak menanggapinya.

x

Asiya

2012-01-06T13:59:00.003+02:00

Engkaulah permaisuri di mahligai tirani
Teguh imanmu walau tersembunyi
Kasihmu kau buktikan sebagai isteri
Namun cintamu untuk Ilahi

Engkau masih isteri yang sejati
Ketika suami dimurka Allah
Istana bukan penjara nikmat yang alpa
Sinar imanmu tak kelam permata
Kau miliki jiwa hamba
Walau di sisimu singgahsana

Sejarah Asiah telah membuktikan
Iman bukanlah penjara di jiwa
Yang selamanya bersembunyi
Tapi kemerdekaan yang hakiki
Yang punya wajah dan jua rupa
Akhirnya imanmu bersuara
Lantas kau dipenjara dan diseksa
Oleh suamimu yang dihina

Di kejauhan istana keangkuhan
Menggamit mata sayunya di jiwa
Namun hatimu tak sudi ke sana
Iman dan akidah lebih utama
Ratu syahadah lalu bermadah
Oh Tuhan binakan istana untukku
Walaupun di dunia ku diseksa
Namun tak terbayar nikmat di syurga

Asiah kau merubah rencana
Bila tanganmu menyentuh bayi
Yang hanyut menongkah arus Sungai Nil
Lembutmu mematahkan keangkuhannya
Firaun merancang kau menghalangnya
Musa terbuang jadi terbilang

ps: it was such a :') post.*dreams, reality and..ilm*

everything's coated

2012-01-02T23:29:00.000+02:00

I admit I'm a tad bit disappointed. :'|

But which Hand that Writes it all? I shall just cherish every moment of my life and be myself again..

O:)

ps: my hiatus plan won't work *sigh*

x

because virtual listener isn't just enough

2012-01-02T01:56:00.005+02:00

Lately, there were just soo many things came to my mind.. I don't know if it's ilham? or was it just an implanted ideas or somekind of incepted illusions I just can;t tell. But it was like soo many..
and suddenly I longed for a nice cozy talks about my weird dreams, about what I think, about questions that played on my mind, about things that don't go my way, things thats isn't a thing at all, about things people rarely heard of. About everything..hm

I: I wanna be a psychiatrist!
Mama : ha..really? who'll be your first patient then?
I: myself!
Mama :*laughs*

ps: oh and btw, I'm going to change the etymology and definition of psychiatry from treating "mental" into treating the"soul".
pps: hiatus semula
x

hiatus

2011-12-30T14:20:00.000+02:00

segalanya yang ku kecapi, hanyalah milikMu Ilahi....

x

it's your night, Alice (off to Wonderland)

2011-12-29T11:24:00.000+02:00

Absolem : I thought you might be missing me.
Alice : You can't imagine.
Absolem : well said.
Alice :What? no.you can't read me. There's still continents of bloods and hearts and sights and craps and the untold beneath these layers of me you didn't reach, just yet. what you read is just a chapter of a whole, a little twinkling of a universe. I'm contented with every single surprises that's written.be it a sadness of the blackest tragedy or the most cerulean aurore of celestial happiness.I just loved fiddling literatures, like learning violin, because it sounded cool and charming.
Absolem : wonderland is talking about you.Cheshire's talking about you. White Rabbit's talking about you. did you stole something from him?
Alice: It's tenable.It's safe and sound anyway.
Absolem : so which way you ought to go from here?
Alice: that's my line! somehow, I've chose my way and I'm not afraid of breaking the same vase again. I don't mind.It's my land anyway. Even one day, what I dreamt of seems smudging and melting from the axis of reality, I'll stay the same.I'll never lose my "muchness", in fact, stronger.
Absolem : off you go, girl.

ps: a dreary imaginary night.
pps: perempuan memang suka benda yang comel-comel.so, macamana perempuan yang suka benda tak berapa comel macam caterpillar tu? bunga jantan?ewww

x

paraphernalia

2011-12-28T13:39:00.001+02:00

I don;t know what's wrong with me?

"Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (13:11)

I've tried. But, maybe it's not hard enough.
I couldn't find the source to spark the light. Where to start? I'm in the middle of every moving possibilities. To keep the pace, I have to move along and yet there I am. stagnant.paralyzed.

I just want to start all over again :(

x

Rintihan

2011-12-24T15:03:00.001+02:00

Biar berlinangan airmata
Ku takkan hentikannya
Biarkan ia menyembuh luka
Hilanglah rasa duka

Tidak ku termampu merentasi liku-liku
Tidak ku mampu menghadapi semua itu
Sungguh ku tak upaya

Jangan dibiarkan jerih perih kehidupan
Bisa meleraikan iman
Kan hancur semuanya

Walaupun menitis airmata darah
Tak bisa merubah segalanya
Melainkan taubat nasuha
Moga kan diterima

Namun ku percaya
Masih ada kesudahannya
Kerana Allah itu
Maha Kaya Maha Mendengar
Rintihan hamba-hambanya

Kerana sesiapa bertaqwa kepadanya
Pasti akan ada
Jalan keluarnya

Rezeki yang tidak disangka-sangka
Cukup Allah baginya
Berkuasa segala-galanya
Terima seadanya

x

time

2011-12-22T13:10:00.002+02:00

I was in a bus, reading my favourite Murakami. Literature definitely makes you drunk sometimes.

Unicorn. Yes, he was talking about unicorn, the uniqueness of the figure, the humble softness of the colours depict the fur, the impeccable horn.

I gasped at the melodious description and trying to sip some air after finishing the sentences, I turned my head on from the book, brushing off my consciousness and looking upon the window.

There it was.Standing just across the Nile river, a pure form of the most charming embodied white horse. It doesn;t have a horn, so I'm convinced this is reality. I couldn't take my eyes from it when I suddenly felt like something shedding and streaming down my cheeks.

How on earth coincidence happened? It never was.

ps: that Mr white rabbit's property. I'm keen to see it back in the future. come what may.

x

17 Disember

2011-12-17T21:43:00.002+02:00

ini dah jadi macam journal peribadi kan. But who cares.

1. I'm not going to erupt and charge any bullets of inappropriate emotions here, I just think that knowledge and informations are two obviously separated entities that shaped and define who you are.Unfortunately confusion could make them seems as a tantamount subject of unity. It's dual, and informations could be profane. What I'm trying to say here is, knowledge is what makes you know much about yourself, your nature as a Man, and your Creator(ma'rifatullah), hence that's what makes you feel closer to Him and obeys what He told us to do. and informations does not. They faked you.

Eventually, and unfortunately, these minor eloquent witty informations gives you some surface-looking perfect somebody with a floating of charmed lit of intelligent senses while beneath they are just some rotten corpse demands for life.You're just a living dead.Enough said.

2. Again, I'm not going to be all-so-emotional right now I need to blurt unnecessary curses and spells here, I just think that I should be more concerned about being exposed to public. Because, the truth always comes later than rumors. And that creates a holocaust I dare say. When I said to my friends, I just wanna be invisible, they replied : "Just don't mind what people think of you. People will keep talking". Yea.I'll bear that in mind. Thanks guys.

3. Haha, everyday I could still curve a smile. Nevermind... :)

Bye.

x

16 December

2011-12-16T19:42:00.000+02:00

1. The only satisfying thing about MTC today is... the food! ayam drumstick besar and sedap! thanks to the chef(whoever it was)

2. Potensi setiap orang berbeza-beza.Ada yang petah bercakap, ada yang hebat menulis, ada yang idea melimpah ruah, ada yang suka bekerja, yang tak buat apa2 pun ramai juga. Jadi setiap orang berbeza-beza bakat dan kebolehan.Tak boleh lah compare kelebihan dan kekurangan masing-masing.Kena bekerjasama satu sama lain.Barulah saling melengkapi.

3. I just think that they shouldn't use the word anti-PCM. Sebab kalau betullah PCM nak ajak orang pada Islam, then kalau orang tu anti-PCM means dia anti kepada Islam lah.okay2

Premis 1 : PCM mengajak kepada Islam
Premis 2 : Iman anti-PCM
Konklusi : Iman anti untuk dekat kepada Islam

walhal, dalam konteks sebenar, bukanlah Iman seorang yang anti PCM, mereka yang melabel Iman sebagai anti PCM.Iman juga bukanlah anti untuk dekat kepada Islam. masakan seorang yang lahir fitrahnya Islam tidak cenderung kepada ajakan yang baik terhadap agamanya sendiri bukan? Jadi di mana silapnya? Methods of dawa? Individu sendiri? Jawablah sendiri.Ini menimbulkan satu jurang sebenarnya.kata nak merapatkan sesama ahli tapi mereka sendiri mewujudkan jurang tersebut by istilah sahaja. (INI CONTOH SAHAJA, mungkin ada berlaku..I dont know.)

dan setiap orang patut diberi ruang untuk memilih untuk bersama PCM atau tidak. tidak bersama PCM tidak bermaksud menentang, tidak bermaksud tidak bersama melaksanakan amar maruf nahi munkar, tidak bermaksud anti-PCM. Kata berlapang dada..semuanya berlalu sebagai kata-kata jela..

4. dalam 5 usul yang dibentangkan, cuma 1 usul je yang nampak matang. Much disappointing, orang yang saya harapkan membawa satu usul berbentuk intelektual yang mungkin mengubah pandangan komuniti Malaysian di sini terhadap budaya ilm ke, I dont know apa2 lah, come up with an usul yang saya rasa bukan lah remeh temeh tapi boleh dibincangkan bersama with the so called "pimpinan" dan terus dipraktikkan.Mengusulkan isu tersebut hanya seperti mengiklankan suatu produk dan berharap orang membelinya.

Ini sekadar pendangan peribadi. Sebarang tersinggung perasaan atau hujah balas bolehlah email umarqutb@gmail.com

x

reincarnation

2011-12-09T15:34:00.001+02:00

still sama :O

aa..kenapa.

yet, I believe. everything happens for reason.And Allah knows.

x

I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with

2011-12-08T16:25:00.003+02:00

This is not a suicidal thought. I just think that it could barely happen anywhere, anytime. Just got to be prepare.

From those around
I hear a cry
A muffled sob,
a hopeless sigh
I hear their footsteps leaving slow
And then I know
my soul must fly
A chilly wind begins to blow
Within my soul from head to toe
And then last breath
escapes my lips
It's time to leave and I must go
So it is true but it's too late
They said each soul has its given date
When it must leave it's body's core
And meet with it's eternal fate

Allahurabbuna salimna (sallim sallimna)

Oh, mark the words that I would say
Who knows tomorrow could be your day
At last it comes to heaven or hell
Decide which now do not delay
I cannot see, my eyes are blind
Am I still me ?
Or has my soul been led astray ?
And forced to pay a priceless fee

Alas to dust we all return
Some shall rejoice while others burned
If only I knew I knew it before
The line grew short
And came my turn
And now as beneath the sod
They lay me with my record flawed
They cry not knowing I cry worse
For they go home I face my God

Allahurabbi..........

Come on my brother, lets pray
decide which now
do not delay

HH-Last breath

x

unplanned hiatus

2011-11-01T05:15:00.001+02:00

betul-betul tak sangka akan berhenti menulis sekejap.

cuma terlalu banyak cerita sampai tak terluah. terlalu banyak kata sampai tak terkata.
terlalu banyak persoalan juga sampai rasa inferior. haih

pernah dengar lagu Jar of Hearts?

pernah tak terfikir macamana orang boleh sumbat hati dia dengan macam-macam benda? itu orang gila namanya. dah kata, dalam hati kita ni kan cuma ada satu rongga. takkan boleh terisi lebih dari sesuatu benda. Jadi kalau pilih yang baik, semuanya akan jadi baiklah.hadis 6. kalau dah terisi dengan keraguan, (start premis dengan keraguan), the whole thing will be batil lah.

Banyak orang cakap pasal ilmu. Jom pergi program itu, ini. Kita kaut ilmu. Tapi apa maksud ilm? Kalau itu pun tak boleh jawab, berpijak lah pada paksi realiti (haqq) people. Belum tanya tujuan cari ilmu lagi. Banyak orang boleh jawab, tapi tak faham pun maksud jawapan dia sendiri. kan?

ok lah. blog dah berubah angin.kali ni je terasa nak tulis macam ni.

salam.

bereft of crimson

2011-09-24T23:28:00.000+02:00

until certain obliged conditions.

x

uncertainties

2011-09-20T21:50:00.003+02:00

“Sometimes I dream of a tree,

and the tree is my life.

One branch is the man I shall marry,

and the leaves my children.

Another branch is my future as a writer,

and each leaf is a poem.

Another branch is a glittering academic career.

But as I sit there, trying to choose,

the leaves begin to turn brown and blow away

until the tree is absolutely bare.”

-Sylvia (2003)

2011-09-20T06:46:00.004+02:00

"It's okay to remember moments, because sometimes the only way that Allah can get into some hearts is to break them. And that is why there will come a time where we miss moments that we wish could have been. There, there,"

x

nak jadi Banquo ke? silakan

2011-09-18T07:58:00.002+02:00

Dear God-Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

ps: haih, sepatutnya I shouldn't be involved dengan dunia manusia kan.dah la social retard. jadi strigiformes lagi bagus.

pps: lagu tu untuk orang-orang yang tengah merajuk..:'(

x

psychedelic

2011-09-16T12:17:00.001+02:00

Tuhan , aku perlukan kunci untuk keluar dari dunia segala metafora dan hiperbola yang menyakitkan indera-indera batin ku. Pintu-pintu kertas dan kaca disana aku lihat sudah hampir lumat dirobek keinginan yang tidak kesampaian dan mimpi-mimpi noda dan harapan-harapan hitam. Jadi, aku perlu segera.

ps : aku rasa dunia ni terlalu banyak uncertainties yang tak perlu dikejar sebab bila kau kejar benda tu, kau cuma akan dapat lelah dan kecewa. Tapi kalau kau biar ia mengalir sendiri tanpa paksa, ia pergi lepas lolos hilang. tapi bila dah tersingkap benda tu jadi certain, kau akan rasa ....mati itu bukan pilihan tapi....

pps: "Today, I am Alice by Alice Jamieson" : semua orang pun tersiratnya adalah Alice.tak percaya?

listening to: Dear God-Avenged Sevenfold(boys selalu bukak kat rumah tapi kenapa tak perasan lagu ni epic awesome huh? mungkin terhijab.haha)

x

PYPH

2011-09-15T07:30:00.001+02:00

Mengapa dalam kehidupan ini,
semakin keras aku cuba mencapai seseorang itu,
semakin jauh mereka menyelinap dan lolos pergi.

Kataku kembali:
Rangga, cinta ini memang sedemikian dukanya
kita akan sering kehilangan orang-orang yang kita cintai
Mengapa-kau tanya?

Kerana Tuhan dekat dengan mereka yang patah hati.

x

done here

2011-09-13T11:04:00.000+02:00

I wanna be invincible. to the deepest core of the most concentrated invincibility. to the pitch of the most acute angle of a blind spot. to disappear and dispersed and be myself again.

"tonight i can write the saddest lines"

2011-09-13T06:21:00.004+02:00

I can't really conclude these paragram of holy thoughts and memories. opium tabs ahead, it always and always really came at the wrong moment. or is it just me? no it's not. because tricks are delusively detoxicating. pandemonium orders of days to minutes, and amnesia has became one layer of my limbo. sometimes I could only recall one thing; be it in my walks at the beach, while poking dead leaves with sticks, or while sipping my coffee looking upon torn pages of an old book, there will only be -Death. and out of a pigment, just at the the brief edge of it all, God, somehow, does exist.

ps: you're just a forgotten syllable of that last memoir. the very last one. just like Neruda's dernière strophe of "Tonight I can write the saddest lines".

"Experience is just a fancy name that you give to your mistakes".

2011-08-25T09:11:00.006+02:00

Yeah, right.

ps: I hope that full blue lunar never blooms, and I was someone else.

pps: I'm sick of claustrophobic judgements, people.

Hikmat Cinta

2011-08-19T05:51:00.003+02:00

Selama bentuk bayangan Yang Tercinta

ada bersama kita, seluruh hidup kita

sematalah peragaan gembira.

Di mana mereka yang bersahabat menjadi satu,

demi Allah, di sana, di tengah rumah

adalah padang luas membentang.

Dan di mana damba hati terlaksana nyata,

di sana, sebatang duri pun

lebih baik dari seribu buah karma.

Bila kita tidur di pangkal jalan Yang Tercinta,

maka bantal dan selimut kita

ialah gugusan bintang kartika

Bila kita terpilin menjadi ujung anyaman

rambut Yang Tercinta di malam lailatul qadar,

maka kekuatan menjadi milik kita.

Bila bersinar pantulan cahaya wajahNya,

maka bumi dan tamasya pergunungan

ialah kain sundusin dan kain sutera.

Bila kita tanya pada angin sepoi semerbak

bauNya,maka adalah di angin sepoi itu

bunyi kecapi dan seruling gelagah

terdengar bergema.

Bila kita tuliskan namaNya di debu,

maka setiap debu itu ialah bidadari

bermata kelam syahdu.

Kita mantrai api dengan pesonaNya

maka api yang berkobar-kobar itu pun

menjadi sesejuk air kerananya.

Mengapa aku mesti bercerita panjang pula?

Karena bila kita sebutkan namaNya

pada yang tak ada, ia pun menjadi ada.

Ucapan hikmat itu, di mana terkandung Cinta,

lebih padat khasiat dibanding seribu buah buni

Suatu saat, ketika Cinta perlihatkan wajahnya,

segalanya pun hilang dari tengah gelanggang.

Diam! Karena akhir telah sempurna kini

seluruh damba hanyalah

Tuhan Yang Mahatinggi

by Jalalu'ddin Rumi

awet seperti jeruk di dalam balang

2011-07-30T02:39:00.002+02:00

malas nak bertembung makcik2 or kawan2 mama ni sebab satu hal.

stumbled upon this one lady.

Old lady: sekolah form berapa?form 2 eh?

Me : .....

mediocre

2011-07-27T14:06:00.002+02:00

bukan kayu sakti

kalau tidak melukis semula rancangan Master Sun

di atas kertas realiti

jadi aku terpaksa menghirup segala ranum dan kelat

esensi kegagalan madu kebisuan

sambil merasakan

aku perlukan seorang psikiatri

sekarang

sopor spell I

2011-07-21T03:53:00.003+02:00

Dear moonbow,

If you're reading this, then Absolem is doing his job well, writing to you was never easy; since my bleeding heart is still chained to this peril of stupified nothingness in this forgotten valley.

so, how do I start? my condition was a bit worrying. still strangling with my own paradoxical theories that never seems to end. like a Penrose stairs, or that MC Escher's waterfall. you thought you had climbed high, you had stepped upward ahead, you had prevailed the impossible shapes and you had crossed it all, and when you blink that aurore eyes one moment that you realize you're just hitting the same spot, again. It's like living in a limited sphere, no matter how further you run, or hide, eventually you know you're dignifying limits. That's how people came up with this karma stuff and being fed to believe. But how do they define infinity ?

Today, I was questioned by lots. By lots of words and heads. by possibilities and impossibilities. I never thought self-interest could be this covet and unalloyed in a way. Same questions and same answers, redundantly. same empathetic nods and same old cynical or sceptical stare, I couldn't tell. Everything was just plain. and of no colours, lifeless. This is one reason I need to write to you. Yes, you might say that beclouded fate should not be revealed until it is time, but which Hand that writes it all? Even uncertainties can be as tangible as your midnight cup of coffee, if He wills.

I have a story to tell.

to be continued..

carpe diem

2011-07-16T04:09:00.002+02:00

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

-Dead Poet Society-

ne m'oubliez pas

2011-07-12T10:35:00.000+02:00

No one really cares that these were all a so-calqued role play, ends with a snap of "cut". A self-parody. An unscripted dramas.

A genuine inspiration.

I shall carve a cheerio now.

*******

How I long the moment, where I can sit at the back of my car,folding my arms, snuggling in my very own cozy arms, a very low tune classics playing on the air ; and looking upon the personas; even masquerades, beyond the windows.

"it's raining outside,"..

to tip the balance

2011-07-11T01:35:00.005+02:00

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

They were both silent for a time, observing the plaza and the townspeople.It was the old man who spoke first.

"Why do you tend a flock of sheep?"

"Because I like to travel."

The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window at one corner of the plaza. "When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside. When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."

- The Alchemist,

SegiTiga Bulan

2011-07-08T01:34:00.003+02:00

Kalau kau jadi bulan,
dia jadi apa?
Riba?
oh untunglah.

Kalau kau jadi bulan
aku jadi apa?
pungguk?
oh malangnya

ps : short yet indicative in its own eloquent way

pps : source

dominion

2011-07-06T03:50:00.007+02:00

merahnya nebula, saganya mengerlip qudum,

mekar sekejap hati si pungguk

afsun rindu

Tuhan sengaja melukis kepekatan malam bersama kutub-kutub kerdipan

buat tenang hati musafir Samarkand yang lena diurai halusinasi semalam

lewat pertarungan baur emosi itu

masih banyak terpaan kelabu dan ungu

masih terdodoi-dodoi lagi bait-bait kirana pendita itu

sungguh

orion menyapa, disambut rigel dan bellatrix

tanda sudah maktub, situlah harus sujudnya dahi mulusmu

malam masih likat

mawar nebula pula makin girang seolah ada temasya di atas sana

kedap.

lantas halwa gambus cuba menerobos zikir cengkerik

mabuk.

umpama pengembara daif dina, umpama khalifah papa,

yang cuba menjahit pilu dengan benang insaf,

memintal sesal,

O' Tuhan, tragis kisah kita.

Allahussomad

ps: my first bahasa ibunda poem. I am so tired, I was almost giving up.I was almost giving up trying, yet He is there. and always there, that I regained my spirit to keep on moving these vicious pace again

Go beyond your little world and find the grandeur of God's world

2011-07-04T18:58:00.002+02:00

"Worn out with this torture of thought, I rose to my knees. Night had come, and her planets had risen: a safe, still night; too serene for the companionship of fear. We know that God is everywhere; but certainly we feel His presence most when His works are on the grandest scale spread before us; and it is in the unclouded night-sky, where His worlds wheel their silent course, that we read clearest His infinitude, His omnipotence, His omnipresence.

I had risen to my knees to pray for Mr. Rochester. Looking up, I, with tear-dimmed eyes, saw the mighty Milky Way. Remembering what it was - what countless systems there swept space like a soft trace of light - I felt the might and strength of God. Sure was I of His efficiency to save what He had made: convinced I grew that neither earth should perish, nor one of its souls it treasured. I turned my prayer to thanksgiving; the Source of life was also the Saviour of spirits. Mr. Rochester was safe: he was God's and by God would he be guarded."

- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

x

Nostalgic IV

2011-07-03T16:28:00.005+02:00

if you say logic is reality, then reality is the most illogical logic exist.

ps: It's about time.

Seni bina adalah menifestasi nilai dan budaya hidup kita – oleh Prof Dr Mohamad Tajuddin Mohamad Rasdi

2011-07-02T13:28:00.003+02:00

Seni bina, bagi mereka yang memahaminya dengan sebenar, tidak lebih dan tidak kurang dari dua analogi ini. Seni bina adalah manifestasi fizikal dalam bentuk konkrit, keluli dan batu-bata; apakah kita sebagai komuniti, masyarakat dan individu yang bertamaddun dari sudut hubungan kita sesama sendiri, hubungan kita dengan alam persekitaran dan hubungan kita dengan Pencipta.

Seni bina adalah alam bina ciptaan manusia, bukan ciptaan Tuhan. Apa yang kita lihat pada seni bina sesuatu masyarakat adalah refleksi langsung terhadap sosial, budaya, politik dan aspirasi masyarakat tersebut. Dalam kolum ini, saya akan membicarakan tentang bagaimana keadaan seni bina perumahan, keagamaan, kemasyarakatan, pendidikan dan politik dalam negara kita, Malaysia, dan bagaimana perlu kita merubah sikap dan strategi reka bentuk bagi menghasilkan corak kehidupan yang lebih bermakna dalam erti kata keharmonian hidup pelbagai budaya.

click here for full article

ps : baba, happy birthday (July 1st)

Nostalgic III

2011-07-02T01:24:00.003+02:00

Pasts.

I'm not sure about yours, but I;m pretty sure I don't like talking about my pasts. It's not that it's full of blood stains and maggots and algae and all of negativities a pessimist will ever come with .It was far better- with perfect full of colours; dark, light, pastels, teal, maroon, pink, bright pink, charcoal, jasper.Name it.

I just don't like talking about it. Memory itself is formed of imaginations. Then what;s the difference between good memories and the bad one? All were just that witty manipulating skill of your own subconcious and later on turn into another perceptions that signals for emotions to role its part. smile cause its sweet and sour cause its dread. Nature supposed to be natural. It looks just as fake as you when you try to induce and make it looks dramatic as you want it to be. And it usually happens when you try to tell the whole world about them.

Ecdysis. It wasn;t a suit term for us, human. But I think it suits now, because most human doesn't really act like one. Human change. People change. Everything changes and develop. What's the point of sticking to your pasts?Its as if you can change it or replay it in the present?

If you think that your pasts was just better than now, then be a better Muslim because :

"Beruntunglah mereka yang hari ini lebih baik daripada hari semalam, terpedayalah mereka yang hari ini sama seperti hari semalam, celakalah mereka yang hari ini lebih buruk daripada hari semalam."

And if you think your present was just far better than your yesterday...

just move on.

Extract of ‘Take Care of Your Souls’ By Sheikh Hamza Yusuf

2011-07-02T00:17:00.003+02:00

Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT has given to this ummah, the blessing of the Prophet Muhammad SAW. The Prophet SAW said that on the day of judgment, there would be a hundred ranks of people to enter into jannah and eighty of those ranks would be from his ummah. So its a blessing from Allah SWT that he has made us people of this ummah…

This ummah and the greatness of this ummah, is in the message that it has to impart. First to itself and then to those around it. And the message, unlike other Ummam, is not connected to a personality. It is not the message of a man, or about a man. It is not a message of a groups ethnic background, such as the chosen people, because of the lineage of their father. It is not the message of nothingness. It is not the message of the worldly things, of materialism.

Its the message of a unique concept. And the concept is nothing less than the absolute unity of Allah SWT. And the muslim is one who named not after his prophet. Unlike the other religions. Judaism is named after Judah, who was the father of the Jews. Budhaism is named after Buddha, who was the father of that religion. Christianity is named after Christ, who they claim was the son of God.

But Islam is unique, in that it does not call to a personality. It calls to a concept, and that concept is, ‘Laa Ilaaha Illalaah’. And once that concept is envived and is inculcated in the human heart then it becomes more than a concept. It becomes a reality by which the human being is able to walk in the earth, as khalifa of Allah SWT and nothing less.

And yet that ‘Laa Ilaaha Illalaah’, can never be seperated from the fact that it was brought by a human being. And because of that Allah SWT has made a second part to this message. And that message is ‘Muhammad-ur-Rasoolullah’. It is not a call to the personality of the Prophet Muhammad SAW. But it is a recognition, that human beings are guided to their Lord, through human beings that are chosen by their Lord to guide them. And because they are chosen, because they are ‘mustafa’, ‘mujtabah’ we have been commanded to show them great honour and great respect. To honour them by following them, to honour them by praising them and to honour them by carrying their message to others.

And so we do not call to the personality of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, but we call to his reality as the greatest slave of Allah SWT. This is what we call to, because he is the exemplar. You have in the Messenger of Allah SWT, the greatest example for those who desire their Lord, who hope for their Lord and who do much remembrance of Allah SWT. So in following the Prophet of Allah SWT, this ummah achieves the highest in human possibility. And in deviating from the Messenger of Allah SWT this ummah is humiliated in this world. This is the nature of the contract with Allah SWT.

click here to listen to the TALK.

Q : why do people have to leave each other?

2011-06-28T13:57:00.004+02:00

pic stolen from fm

" ...I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables...."- Yasmin Mogahed

A : because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?

never met her in real life

2011-06-28T11:54:00.010+02:00

but I think she;s the most beautiful aurore Malaysia had ever had.

connoiseur

2011-06-27T19:10:00.005+02:00

"People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes."Neil Gaiman

Coincidence; a mere constructed alphabetical tacked together forming one synonym of such deceptive nothingness.I don't prefer rolling dices into a quantum spatial, waiting for miracles to strike the right chord. Let's pretend everything is planned. Wait. It already is.

and so, things; either, it'll turn out miserably displeasing or fortuitously awesome. They're like having a mind of their own, thinking, scrutinizing and then settled up with an end that looks almost a Murakami or Kafka, or a little least the controversial Rushdie. impossible, unfeasible yet that's what define you, that;s what define me.

ps: of course, we're always a creature.

twitter much?

2011-06-18T06:37:00.005+02:00

a 30-min piece.

One thing, never afraid of colours. They're omniscient, honest and intersperse to the very faint blends it could. Pure creation. Just like your feelings inside. What makes it ingenuine; when you try to convey and drive it out from your chest and you're doing it wrong.

ps : And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice used to say, beginning with her favourite phrase `Let's pretend.' -Through her Looking Glass

Rosemarie Urquico

2011-06-17T00:57:00.003+02:00

"Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes".

ps: Yuna-Rocket.

distortion

2011-06-15T23:58:00.004+02:00

You know how subtle the feeling when you just have to choose between two things. Two fortunately adorable naive things. I myself could not explain this situation but, now let me give you an example ; you were walking down aisle of rooms, between classes, step by step, crossing doors to doors, when you suddenly stopped. by a smile from afar. It was a warm smile, saying hello in silence, it doesn't need a single voice, just a simple muscles of face twitch a little here and there, and enough to make the reflections to smile back, when you notice someone else in front of that smile, were actually smiling back at you. It was like the sun, moon and earth reflection thing. I don't know how to describe this.

I just hate that feeling.

Nostalgic II

2011-06-13T17:45:00.004+02:00

"I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of." - Charles Bukowski

********

Hitting an unbalanced staccatissimo in spite of a wrong notes, it's just sane;and I just want to giggle and spank a smile everytime I heard your muted whispers, no, I can't read lips. Just writing hands.

of torturology

2011-06-01T18:57:00.008+02:00

there's certain reason why people like/dislike certain photos.

because there's story behind it, no?

setiap hari

2011-05-31T20:08:00.004+02:00

penat yang luar biasa.

bukan calang-calang.

dan ini serius *muka Genji*

heh ^^"

tapi setiap hari, pasti akan ada sesuatu yang terkesan di hati.

terimakasih ukhti atas perbincangan ilmiah tadi dalam kelas.

antara ayat paling terkesan, quote by seorang tokoh reformasi ; yang pernah dikagumi suatu masa dahulu.

"kalau takut dengan risiko, jangan bicara soal perjuangan "-DSAI.

fuu~ memang terkena.

kalau tak buat kerja, pasti takkan rasa penat kan.

so setiap titik peluh kepenatan tu, inshAllah ada sahamnya.

enough said here.

ps: hiatus phase(s) coming soon.

duologist

2011-05-22T23:46:00.005+02:00

I can;t think of who or what kind of people might be reading my blog.

But, it makes my heart burst like a piece of chalk exploded, making it falls into smithereens of invisible dusts. and I am utterly muted when I did some bloghopping, and I could sense the crime of plagiarism is strangling merrily around me!

And foremost courtesy, it is from my blog.

Every ilham is specific for something deep for me. It is.

And when you see someone;s using the very same sentences for something that doesn't seem collateral with the exact occasions that rained me with the feelings when I wrote those, it just terribly making me sad.

I don;t know how I should response to this, because I think I don;t own any or each of my words, or writings. Those weren;t mine.It's all an inspiration (ilham) and of course, that was my everyday prayer to Allah, which is to give me the ilham of the malaaikatil muqarrabin( the angels that is very near to Allah). So, ought I, to never ever claim something that is not even mine.

But, still. I am sad.

Nostalgic I

2011-05-19T14:42:00.006+02:00

Dulu masa kecik kecik, memang kami adik beradik selalu dibawa berjalan ke sana ke mari. Round satu Malaysia lagaknya.

And setiap kali tiba di setiap destinasi, sebelum turun kereta :

"Anak-anak, please behave"

T.T

Ingat sampai sekarang ayat ni, sebab akan jadi ayat wajib mama. Pragmatik.

nampak sangat semua hyperactive.

ps : mencari ilham. tafsir surah alMulk ayat 5, tentang bintang-bintang. subhanallah.Hanya dengan megalihkan dan membelek sedikit pandangan pada langit pun boleh mengerlipkan armada-armada ilham, sungguh cantik dan sempurnanya ciptaan Allah :D

pps: dan tak sangka sekarang,saya sedang mempraktikkan ayat mama tu untuk anak-anak usrah yang kenakalan , hehe. terutamanya N :PPP

bye

2011-05-14T21:39:00.002+02:00

"I dream. Sometimes I think that's the only right thing to do."
— Haruki Murakami

x

The Faaliq I

2011-05-14T08:20:00.001+02:00

I passed by,
and I witnessed with the dots of my white eyes,
I felt them as real as the solids of a black shadow,
but what am I, anything but a man,
that paralyzed each time I passed by,
and do nothing but passing by,
like a statue that forever will never know
how to say goodbye.
Its stabbing.
but what am I, what am I.
like a tantamount sorrow of Hamlet dispersed,
oscillating an elegy in the form of a plain Ophelia.
a very much, pretty sad diagnosis.

Arouse and alive, O my warriors.

ps: unfinished

x

runtunkan egomu, O swellhead

2011-05-10T00:01:00.006+02:00

Every now and then, typing and erasing, drafting and deleting would be my special habits and to lose words and saids, were such a definite favour, sometimes when you look at people, you just see how the contour of their personalities were not really something worth magnified, sometimes agreeing, sometimes not, sometimes it just came to me the thought of sorts, sometimes it just disappears, sometimes.. sometimes,

And so I knew , there was something right's going on.

ps: It's OK, I don;t put bad impressions on people, it's only classifications.

a black snake in the belly crawling over your body?

2011-04-28T15:22:00.005+02:00

In the furor of negativity and sleepiness, and all the latent action potentials of the physics and psychics aspects of me, I am surprisingly grateful and truthfully refreshed by a short 1 hour subject that fill the void of our timetable today- "Psychiatric".

I was unbearably pleasant! And, of my 3 years struggling in the field of medicine, this is the first day, I admit it's worth it taking medicine. This is when I see the arts of medicine is actually applied. Cursed all those tools, thermometer, stetoscope whatever.

It's all about the brain,people.

ps: and as regard the title, we were diagnosing a patient; who came today with this complaint.

pps: Stop being a laughing machine, Iman.

Hazihi sabili

2011-04-24T13:07:00.003+02:00

yes, and I need to prove my words.

skiing on sky

2011-04-23T17:16:00.006+02:00

"The compass is broken, dear keymaker, and the petit-beurre party is on the next sorrowday".

"Oh, another fretful inveigle for another cheap hour, I bet?"

"I believe words doesn't mean a dust till the soul crumpled up and the heart turns into an iceberg,isn't it?"

"....."

"It would be funereal, don't worry a cent,"

She smiled and off with a new clue.

*****

I can't stay stagnant any longer, I should now route for the way up. The gravity of catharsis right now is heaving and weighing a toil on me, from lack of writing and, (shamely) reading. And I'm flooded with duties now. Still, I'll try as hard to spare some time, and words for you, here.

Let's let the silence roar.

ps: How much do you believe in inspiration?

by Dr D.Adia

2011-04-18T19:50:00.006+02:00

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih lagi MahaPenyayang

Perubatan Kini: Islamkah Kita?

Assalamualaikum semua

Bukanlah saya seorang yang layak untuk berbicara, bukanlah saya seorang yang begitu mulia, tetapi bukanlah saya mahu mengaku lemahnya iman saya sehingga hanya mampu menegur dan membenci dengan hati. Namun apakan daya, saya hanya seorang manusia namun saya seorang hamba, hamba kepadaNya. Maka, wujudlah coretan ini yang saya kira InsyaAllah menjadi renungkan kita bersama, sebagai satu medium dakwah saya...

Semuanya bermula dengan perjuangan ini. Saya telah tercampak ke dalam bidang perubatan sejak 3 tahun yang lalu. Mengapa istilah tercampak itu yang saya gunakan? Ya, kerana saya tidak mempunyai tujuan. Hanya mengikut telunjuk dan tekanan yang diberi. Namun, saya yakin, inilah yang terbaik yang Allah berikan kepada saya.

Berbalik kepada isu yang saya utarakan, terlebih dahulu saya ingin memberitahu coretan ini merupakan pandangan saya semata-mata, tidak berniat untuk menghentam mana-mana pihak, sekadar membincangkan beberapa isu yang amat mengganggu hati saya

Telah hampir setahun saya bergelumang dengan kehidupan di hospital. Memang, hospital boleh dikatakan tempat persimpangan hidup dan mati, Malaikat Maut sentiasa berlegar di sini. Kehidupan yang busy, ‘untuk melengkapkan diri dengan ilmu perubatan’, memenuhi expectation universiti, para doktor pengajar, ibu bapa, untuk tidak repeat year, saya terlupa. Terlupa bahawa SAYA SEORANG ISLAM.

Saban hari, saya berlegar-legar di hospital melihat kes-kes yang ada, mengclerk patient, berusaha memenuhkan log book sebagai kewajipan universiti. Bebanan tugasan yang banyak menyebabkan saya menjadi talam bermuka dua- tersenyum dan bermanis muka di hadapan patient, sedangkan sebelum itu telah memilih patient “wah, kes ni sangat menarik” dan melompat gembira di belakangnya. Empathy hanya bagai satu sillabus yang diajar, namun begitu susah untuk dipraktikkan. Apakah saya hanya berlandaskan perjanjian Hippocratic- Primum nihil nocere (First do no harm)? Dimanakah nilai saya sebagai seorang Islam?

Dalam ‘tawaf’ saya saban hari di sini, saya berasa sedih kerana bilangan pesakit yang memunaikan solat boleh dikira dengan jari. Terkenang saya ketika saya dimasukkan ke hospital dahulu, seorang makcik di katil sebelah saya kelihatan begitu sihat walafiat,boleh berjalan dan berborak dengan patient lain. Ketika saya bersedia untuk menunaikan solat, dia berkata; eh, boleh ke nak solat? Ni plaster kat tangan ni penuh dengan darah, mana boleh solat? Justeru saya merujuk kembali kepada buku panduan solat ketika sakit. Sekali lagi saya tertanya, bukankah Islam itu agama yang mudah dan tidak menyusahkan umatnya? Mungkin ini kesilapan saya sebagai orang yang cetek ilmu agamanya tetapi apa yang saya dapati di dalam panduan itu juga menyusahkan pesakit dan tidak begitu mengambil kira masalah sosial hari ini. Saya yakin orang yang mahu bersolat juga akan terbantut niatnya. Inilah contoh yang saya alami. Bayangkan seorang makcik yang mengalami lumpuh yang hanya boleh menggerakkan satu tangannya sahaja, yang diabaikan oleh anak-anaknya selama ini, menangis dan mengadu kepada kami kerana rindu untuk bersolat? Bagaimana dia mahu mengambil wudhu dan sebagainya? Kalaulah saya benar-benar mengikut buku panduan itu, sahlah, makcik itu tidak akan solat lagi sehingga akhir hayatnya.

Sebagai seorang yang sering berlegar-legar di hospital, saya sepatutnya mengingatkan mereka supaya lebih mendekati Allah, bukan sekadar mengejar signs and symptoms pesakit. Ingatlah, sedangkan Rasulullah juga menunaikan solat sebelum akhir hayatnya, para sahabat juga bersolat berdiri ketika di medan perang, kenapa kita tidak perlu solat? Malah yang lebih menyedihkan hati saya, ada jururawat apabila ditanya di manakah arah kiblat hanya menggeleng-gelengkan kepala!

Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya telah melihat satu proses resussitation dilakukan. Para doktor berusaha gigih untuk memastikan pesakit terus bernyawa. Keitka itu sekali lagi saya terkenang perbualan dengan seorang waris pesakit mengenai proses itu. Dia tidak bersetuju dengan kaedah itu kerana ketika pesakit sedang nazak, mengapakah kita terus menyeksanya malah langsung tidak mengajarnya mengucap? Ketika itulah kita sedang digoda teruk oleh syaitan untuk meninggalkan agama kita. Lalu, apa yang kita lakukan? Ketika perbualan itu, saya hanya mendengar. Separuh hati saya setuju dengan katanya, separuh lagi menyokong tindakan doktor. Namun, akhirnya saya melihat kebenaran kata-kata puan itu. Tidak ada satu pun doktor di situ yang saya lihat mengajar pesakit syahadah mahupun menyedekahkan al-Fatihah. Yang utama ialah; declaring time of death- XX.XX am. And that’s it. Betapa keBaratannya sistem kita. Ini tanggungjawab kita! Apa yang sedang berlaku di sini??

Satu lagi isu yang saya kesali ialah penggunaan ubat Clexane yang berasal dari unsur babi. Hampir semua pesakit yang berisiko tinggi untuk mendapat Deep Vein Thrombosis akan diberikan ubat ini. Apakah keputusan fatwa Malaysia mengenai ubat ini adalah sekadar fatwa sahaja? http://www.e-fatwa.gov.my/fatwa-kebangsaan/hukum-penggunaan-ubat-clexane-dan-fraxiparine Jika ya, bagaimana pula dengan hadis ini?

“ Allah S.W.T. tidak menjadikan kesembuhan kamu melalui benda yang telah diharamkan ke atas kamu.”

Tariq bin Suwayd pula meriwayatkan, bahawa beliau telah bertanya kepada Rasulullah s.a.w. tentang arak, maka Baginda telah melarangnya ataupun membencikannya daripada membuatnya. Lalu Suwayd berkata,
"Saya hanya membuatnya untuk dijadikan ubat,"
maka jawab Baginda,
"Ia bukannya ubat, tetapi ia adalah penyakit”.

Jika membawa, meminum minuman dalam botol menyerupai arak telah dikira berdosa besar, apakah pula dosa menyuntik ubat ini tanpa pengetahuan pesakit ke dalam badannya? Apakah hukumnya?

Rasulullah telah bersabda; “ Manakala sesuap daripada barang haram masuk ke perut seseorang, maka seluruh Malaikat di langit dan di bumi melaknatinya selama sesuai atau seteguk barang itu berada di perutnya. Jika dia mati dalam keadaan demikian, MAKA TEMPATNYA DI NERAKA”.

Mungkin ada yang tersenyum melihat nukilan saya ini, yang saya kira kedengaran kebudak-budakan. Namun renungkanlah, renungkanlah! Bukalah mata kita! Apa yang terjadi dengan Islam kita? Kembalilah kita seperti zaman Ibnu Sina, agamanya seiring dengan ilmunya. Bangkitlah semua! Betulkanlah niat kita! Allahuakbar!

*mengenai hadis-hadis di atas, saya memohon maaf sekiranya berlaku kesilapan kerana saya tidak menemui nama perawinya. Segala yang baik datang dari Allah, yang buruk datang dari saya sendiri. Waalahualam...

ps: a piece of thought by a friend of mine, a very good friend indeed :) we, occasionally, went through a vast events together. We joined the English Drama Club (playing the Macbeth) and made it to the finals(national level) .We took Visual Arts together during our SPM years and yes alhamdulillah we both gained an A. And yet, were both studying medicine, she's in Malaysia and I'm not.

of an aloof nightmares

2011-04-15T13:21:00.006+02:00

"In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream- Lingering in the golden gleam-Life, what is it but a dream?"

— Lewis Carroll (Through The Looking Glass)

hibernatus.

sorry.

yet another phase of a heart rendering stanza.

2011-03-21T17:14:00.003+02:00

Cling to reality, heart.

Hallucinations don;t kill. They're just some minor euphemism of a perfect mental health. Those green-eyed colonies;they ardour your loneliness, they understand better and perhaps you don't seem to care much. And that's when fictions became a fact-based chronicles. Regrets are much appreciated.

Every night, every dreary cloudy night, every smoky blue night with a full moon, I will be standing by or sit nearby or just watch them from far aside , decoding every lip reading and those trumped-up conversations that never existed in a world where trees breeze, owl cuckooed and the ire of exasperations were as red as hell. That wasn't real. Dreams were real. Double dreams were real. No one has a right to object or be against the cosmos. I never had the chance to finish a rendezvous, it was always half a second or lesser. And I kept on meeting people at various expressions and contemplations ;yet at the same level of it's light-intensity. A very sad mournful colour. Even when the one sitting in front me was as bright as a cheerful sky morning.

I realized how much words had become venoms to your veins, how much alphabets had formed such lines of trouble talks, and how I pissed at every mistakes. I know and learn only, that's how I convey my hidden love message for you. Its agitating and I'm a steadfast arrogist. I wished I will be sooner than the train's coming so I don;t have to run again just to have a glimpse of that faded smiles of yours.

ps ; poet doesn't sound real.

pps: at all.

troublesome (finale)

2011-03-17T03:21:00.006+02:00

"semuanya 380"

Message sent to Baba. (mudah untuk urusan claim .haha :P)

Setelah menunggu lebih kurang 4 jam, kereta pun siap dibaiki. Lama juga berunding harga dengan mekanik Cina tersebut. Thanks to the ability of a well-trained tongue of negotiating prices with the Arabs, yet I failed in doing so in my own country.What a shame. Susah juga tawar-menawar harga upah servis. Akhirnya kami akur dengan harganya, membayar dengan redha bersulam keterpaksaan(??) dan pulang dengan hampa.Urusan tergendala, musibah pula melanda. Wallahualam, pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya.

Mekanik Cina tersebut memang nampak seperti orang kuat agama. Sekilas pandang pada rantainya, nampak seperti loket berbentuk berhala yang disembah oleh mereka yang beragama Buddha. Sewaktu berunding, ada juga kami cuba memasukkan jarum padanya; supaya "ingat Tuhan, tak baik menipu harga" hingga beliau nampak serba salah dan hanya boleh menjawab "saya pening" dan terpaksa meminta orang lain untuk merundingkan harga upahnya dengan kami. Memang takutkan Tuhan nampaknya tapi masih tidak mahu melepaskan harga yang tinggi tersebut kepada kami. Material. Itulah kelemahannya.

Sanggup diketepikan maruah agama, semata-mata untuk sesuatu yang memang pasti akan habis dan tidak begitu pasti juga menjanjikan kebahagiaan. Mungkin orang kafir berkencenderungan sebegitu, namun jika dipandang dua kali, yang Islam juga tidak terkecuali. Muhasabah kembali. Kita yang mana?

End of story.

ps: done of session; writing in BM. This is a death-sentence trial of writing indispensable low-voltage vocabulary of the mother-tongue.Read at own risk.

pps: none of it were fables. thanks.

troublesome (part 3)

2011-03-13T05:55:00.000+02:00

Secara jujurnya sewaktu saya ingin menegur sikap akak itu tadi, saya tidak berniat langsung untuk mencabarnya atau ingin bertekak dengannya. Sekadar ingin mengingatkannya bahawa saya tahu dia sedang menipu setelah menyedari tidak mungkin ada orang akan solat begitu lama di tempat yang tidak selesa seperti dalam gambarannya(ada barang-barang di tempat solat itu). Saya tahu bahawa memang sebenarnya tiada orang pun sedang bersolat dan kami hanya menunggu dan membuang waktu dengan sia-sia sahaja.

Mungkin cara saya salah menegurnya dengan sindiran seperti itu, tapi hanya itu sahaja cara yang terlintas. Ditambah dengan baran menunggu, walaupun saya tidak meninggikan suara tetapi mungkin ayat saya itu agak tajam pada pendengarannya. Mengapa dia bersikap demikian? Membiarkan kami menunggu ,menipu tentang tempat ibadah. Takut dilabel sebagai orang yang tak bersolat jika mengatakan di situ tiada tempat solat?

Pada fikiran saya, seandainya dia mengatakan tiada tempat solat di situ in the first place, saya boleh terimanya dengan hati terbuka sahaja kerana mungkin saya boleh bertanya pada kedai-kedai Melayu bersebelahan lagi. Cukuplah kata kesat yang dihamburkan menunjukkan peribadinya. Orang yang solat tidak mungkin ada hati berbuat demikian.

“Kalau akak tu memang bagi kita solat kat situ tadi, aku memang dah niat nak bagi buku ni kat dia pun ,” kata Wadah yang kebetulan membawa dua buah buku bersamanya ; ‘Kepentingan Zikir’ dan ‘Islam,My Choice’. Orang yang bersikap buruk pada orang lain, membuahkan natijah buruk untuk dirinya sendiri.Alangkah malangnya.

Muhasabah untuk saya. Apabila sudah bergelar Dr, bekerja dan mempunyai klinik sendiri, perkara utama yang wajib dititikberatkan ialah solat. Solat kita dan pekerja juga. Klinik besar , carta organisasi melimpah sampai ke kaki pun dek ramainya kakitangan, tapi kalau hukum Allah pun tak dapat dilaksanakan, ia merupakan suatu kehinaan besar. Rezeki yang datang pun belum tentu diberkati Allah. Pesakit yang datang kepada kita adalah antara sasaran-sasaran dakwah paling utama. Bukan kita yang menyembuhkan mereka dan wang-wang yang dibayar untuk rawatan juga bukan datang dari mereka.

Marah kepada akak itu masih tidak reda walaupun ketika solat.Geram betul. Istighfar. Istighfar.Akhirnya terlintas kata-kata naqibah saya .

“Kita tak boleh salahkan orang tu, kalau Islam atau hidayah tu tak sampai pada dia.Kita yang faham, kena laksanakan dan perbetulkan,”

Betul.

T.T

bersambung..

x

troublesome (part 2)

2011-03-12T02:23:00.001+02:00

"Akak, kat sini ada tempat solat tak? Nak tumpang solat kejap"

"Ada...Tapi, kat situ ada barang-barang la. Lepas tu, ada orang tengah solat pulak kat dalam tu, boleh tunggu ke?"

"Oh, boleh-boleh.Kejap ye,"

Saya terus keluar dari klinik tersebut untuk memanggil Wadah. Jam sudah hampir 3petang, dan kami belum solat Zohor lagi. Berdekatan bengkel ada sebuah klinik Dr R dan setelah bertanya dan memastikan di situ ada tempat solat, hati agak lega. Kereta yang terdampar kami biarkan untuk diperbaiki. Sementara itu, kami terus masuk ke klinik itu mengambil wudhu dan menunggu untuk orang yang dikatakan sedang solat untuk selesai.

Sambil menunggu, kelihatan akak tersebut khusyu memandang skrin komputernya .Entah apa yang dikhusyu’kan sangat tak pasti. Facebook? Tak baik su’uzon.Kami pun tunggu dan terus menunggu. Beberapa pesakit nampak sedang masuk mendaftar dan menunggu giliran rawatan.

40 minit berlalu.

Jam pun sudah hampir 4 petang. Wadah pun mencadangkan supaya kami bersolat di tempat lain sahaja. Dalam hati, aku betul-betul marah dengan sikap akak tersebut yang menipu. Saya bergegas ke kaunter tempat akak itu duduk.

“Akak, lamanya orang tu solat kak?” kataku dengan nada sinis.

“Haah…Tu..Dia tengah solat lagi lah,” jawabnya teragak-agak.

“Takkan lah nak solat pun kena tunggu lama macam ni kak? Ni kan nak beribadah,”

Tidak semena-mena akak tu meninggikan suara, nada kejururawatannya yang tadi lembut tiba-tiba menjadi keras. Uh, dah keluar tanduk dan belang rupanya. Beberapa pesakit yang datang tadi kaget melihat kami.

“Saya bukan taknak bagi. Tapi orang tu memang tengah solat!” jawabnya.

Amboi, kalau motif nya itu semata-mata untuk menakutkan saya dan berlagak garang, that’s totally a nice try.Saya cuba mencabarnya lagi.

“Oh yeke, kak? Saya nak masuk dalam.Nak tengok orang yang tengah solat tu,” jawabku.

Dia menyenggol kawan sebelahnya, “kau pergi panggilkan orang yang tengah solat tu, dia ni tak percaya..” katanya tanpa memandang wajah rakan sebelahnya.
Pelik. Panggilkan orang yang tengah solat? Oh, ni solat style Wahabi kot.Boleh bergerak-gerak sakan.

“Takpelah kak.Saya taknak solat kat sini pun lah.Bye,” jawabku sambil berlalu pergi.

Sebelum keluar terus dari klinik ,saya sempat melayangkan flying kiss berbunyi
“kalau akak berdosa, saya tak tanggung eh dosa akak,” dan terus berlalu pergi seperti angin.

Wadah yang bergerak di belakang mengatakan, akak tu sempat menghamburkan kata kesat berbunyi *insert 4-letter B word here*

bersambung...

troublesome (part 1)

2011-03-11T05:10:00.003+02:00

Memikirkan laptop yang perlu di format dan printer mama yang rosak, memang perlu kami ke kedai komputer itu. Walaupun jauh dari rumah, tetapi harga yang dikenakan tidak seperti kedai-kedai lain. Wadah pula memang ada urusan di universiti yang terletak di kawasan itu. Kami nekad untuk ke sana, memandu dalam cuaca hujan renyai-renyai melalui "jalan dalam". Shortcut memang menjimatkan masa perjalanan, tetapi keadaannya sunyi dan tidak banyak rumah. Menakutkan.

Alhamdulillah. Tiba di kawasan "pekan".Kelihatan kelibat-kelibat kedai dan orang mulai meramai. Lampu merah memang waktu yang tepat untuk memerhati gelagat dan ragam manusia di luar (atau kereta sebelah) sambil menunggu lampu hijau semula.

Tiba-tiba, enjin mati. OK, jangan panik. Hidupkan semula. Gagal. Setelah berkali-kali trial menghidupkan enjin gagal, Wadah menunggu di dalam kereta sementara saya terus keluar, berlari mencari sesiapa yang boleh membantu. Kebetulan ada bengkel kereta berdekatan. Saya terus memanggil tauke kedai untuk pergi bersama memeriksa kereta yang stucked in the middle of the road amidst the traffic light ==".

Tiba di kawasan traffic light, beberapa pemandu berhemah telah berhenti dan menolong menolak kereta ke kawasan yang lebih selamat dan berhampiran bengkel. Kami menunggu kereta untuk diperiksa. Enjin CamPro perlu diperiksa menggunakan sistem komputer, kata mekanik Cina itu. Saya dan Wadah telah membayangkan benda yang sama ;

Kereta ditolak masuk ke dalam satu garage bermakmal. Kelihatan beberapa orang sedang menekan-nekan papan kekunci sambil mata khusyu memandang skrin komputer.Beberapa orang yang lain pula sibuk memasang-masang wayar pada kereta, untuk disambung pada komputer agaknya. Ada beberapa unit skrin komputer di kawasan itu dan satu skrin besar memaparkan ECG kereta, iaitu graf turun naik denyutan nadi kereta. Mungkin dari semua ini dapat dikenal pasti masalahnya.

Vrooom.. sebuah kereta berhenti berdekatan kami. Mematikan lamunan.

Mekanik yang keluar dari kereta tersebut memegang satu alat seperti alat pengesan harga di kebanyakan supermarket, dan terus menyambungnya ke salah satu wayar pada kereta.

"Ini computer detect problem punya,"

-_____________-

HAMPA.

bersambung..

you're a weasel.

2011-03-08T07:10:00.006+02:00

making a list.

I've been lack of reading recently.

Murakami's can't be read while standing, or lying or in a moving vehicles. I'll find myself reading the whole pages like I was reading Vietnamese or a Finisterre-Huon, just like moving words and alphabets and doesn't even get a clue what he was trying to talk about. Reading it, needs an environment. It needs a good lighting, good ventilations, good inaudible low-pitches places, good moods and perfect time. I pretty don;t have all that. I'm still stuck at page 26(first 26 pages which I managed to finish while I got a very few moments of the listed above) and I decided to let it stuck there. I'm pursuing with another (Malay) book somehow.

I was trying MacGyver-ing a lingual definition behind this "particular" word. see, this word had been stucked to me since forever and I'm trying to find out the figure of speech behind it and after 22 years of life, it's making such a discerning silence. I cracked it out!

ps: Menuju Ketaqwaan by Abdullah Nasih 'Ulwan

dawn to dusk.

2011-03-06T04:09:00.004+02:00

Hey there.

uh, kingdom's in a dark season. Again, that keymaker was doing a terrible work. I should have hired my anthropomorphised friend instead. And so I am still unable to unlock those undecipherable episodes.T.T

will it be worth it, to wait for another seconds? and eye on their treacherous changing colours. Because, you never know, for that faintly definite stripes, bands and bars, lies behind it twitching muscles of too much uncouth writings and mouthing. ay, let's not wrath nor rag ; let's just turn to the next pages and smile.

ps: Never tell the world; you pretty good and excellent at D&T when you're actually still indulging dunya(materials, foods etc).

pps:The biggest destroyer of the sons of Adam (humans), is the desire of the stomach.-Imam Ghazali.

have you decide yours?

2011-02-17T05:26:00.003+02:00

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

2011-02-13T12:51:00.001+02:00

ana nak mohon penjelasan kalau awak ada masa. xpe je bile2. just nk tau ape sebenarnya yg dimaksudkan & macam mana nak aplikasikan utk masa kita berada di mansurah & sebagai pelajar universiti. apakah konteks yg perlu difahami.

membacakan ayat tersebut, cukup utk sy berfikir sejenak & cuba utk berfikir kenapa sejak akhir2 ini, sy malas melibatkan diri dlm apa2 persatuan & boleh dikatakan, hidup utk diri sendiri.

semoga penjelasan iman akan membuka balik minda saya & moga dibukakan hati utk kembali menyumbang utk islam.

Halawatul Iman
" Sesungguhnya orang yang hidup untuk dirinya sendiri, hidupnya kecil, matinya juga sebagai orang yang kecil. Sedangkan orang yang hidup untuk dakwah(ummat), hidupnya besar dan tidak kan pernah mati. -Syed Qutb- "

syukran..

Pertama sekali saya ingin memohon maaf kerana menjawab soalan saudara 2 bulan selepas soalan ditanya.Harap ada sesuatu yang dapat dikongsi walaupun terlambat.

Sejurus tiba di Malaysia pada 12Februari lalu, saya terus bergegas ke daurah “Pemuda dan Kebangkitan” bersama adik saya yang memandu. Pembentangan isi daurah agak ringan jika dibandingkan dengan isi syahdatul haq atau ghulam dakwah mungkin kerana mad’u yang hadir adalah sisters dan brothers yang masih berjinak-jinak dalam medan dakwah. Bukan ingin mengatakan saya telah arif atau berjanggut dalam medan ini kerana medan ini tidak mengenal usia, tetapi rata-rata apabila ditanya baru sahaja mengikut dan mengenali kepentingan usrah.Program ini saya rasakan sebagai satu refreshment selepas berhari-hari agak “jauh” dari tarbiyah kerana isu politik yang melanda Mesir.

Antara isi yang dapat saya tangkap dengan jelas adalah tentang رَجُلٌ يَسْعَى.Apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan rajulun yas’a? Marilah kita merujuk kepada surah Yassin ayat ke 20. Pemuda yang dimaksudkan adalah pemuda-pemuda yang “bergegas” @ bersemangat dan tidak berlengah-lengah lagi dalam menyebarkan dakwah Islami kerana ia faham akan tanggungjawabnya.Ia faham akan keperluan dan kehendak dakwah. Inilah sifat seorang rajulun yas’a. Sentiasa menyampaikan dakwah walau apa jua situasi kerana dakwah tiada batas waktu, umur mahupun tempat.

"..just nk tau ape sebenarnya yg dimaksudkan & macam mana nak aplikasikan utk masa kita berada di mansurah & sebagai pelajar universiti. apakah konteks yg perlu difahami.

membacakan ayat tersebut, cukup utk sy berfikir sejenak & cuba utk berfikir kenapa sejak akhir2 ini, sy malas melibatkan diri dlm apa2 persatuan & boleh dikatakan, hidup utk diri sendiri.."

Menjawab persoalan di atas, sebagai seorang pelajar universiti, dapat dilihat majoriti dari kita adalah pemuda. Tetapi, harus ditanya pada diri kita adakah kita seorang rajulun yas’a atau seorang daie? Kepada yang bertanya saya merasakan beliau adalah seorang yang telah faham konsep dakwah dan kepentingannya cuma menghadapi keraguan dari segi melaksanakannya. Saya dapat merasakan saudara memikirkan dakwah hanya akan berjalan apabila telah berjaya melibatkan diri dalam persatuan. Dakwah itu tidak terbatas pada persatuan semata. Dakwah itu tidak difenisikan sebagai kerja-kerja persatuan.

Berborak tentang tokoh-tokoh Islam semasa makan bersama kawan-kawan itu dakwah, mengejutkan sahabat-sahabat dan keluarga bangun bertahajud itu dakwah, hatta teladan yang baik tanpa mengeluarkan sebarang patah kata itu pun dikira dakwah. Dakwah itu seni.Tiada boundaries. Apabila saudara membataskan kerja-kerja Islam seperti ini, mudah sungguh futur menghinggap.

Saya merasakan yang didefinisikan dengan hidup untuk diri sendiri adalah mereka yang tidak faham langsung tugas dan tanggungjawab dakwah. Sedangkan yang telah faham, mungkin kadangkala turun sekejap imannya.Lemah sebentar setelah bersemangat, diam sekejap setelah giat.Futur itu terkadang memang suka menyapa para daie, namun ia ada ubatnya. Kenali puncanya InshaAllah saudara akan bergerak kembali dalam saf-saf yang memperjuangkan Islam.

recommendation book : "Yang Berguguran di Jalan Da'wah", Fathi Yakan. Ada diselitkan tentang sebab-sebab internal futur.

And only God knows best.

x

The sickle moon and a daunty owl.

2011-01-26T00:21:00.001+02:00

yes, I know this song OpenYourEyes by Maher Zain would sound already too common to that labyrinth system of yours.But tonight I just think that it really strucked and tweaking melodious suds of awakening pain inside me.I made mililitres of tears eventually hearing it.
I always flounced heavily and grump at things in a very unaccording manner.I shouldn't .And the grating roar of that tremulous sophistry is enough a crime. And this moment I've totally captured the helpless reflections I kept hiding from.. .
Alas , the cadence sound of thought move in the memory of a real me I should be.

ps: i should open my eyes, and should not be hiding from the truth anymore.

x

And no birds sing

2011-01-25T01:32:00.002+02:00

salam.
Just woken up from a vivid nightmare, of laziness.How do I woke abruptly is when I realized I shouldn't be stucked in there burning a stubble nonchalantly while I am drowning still in an ebb-tide evening of an Ozymandias wrecked edges.

ps:the other side of the city is prophesying an execution..I am ready to depart.

updated via Nokia 3310 (canggih tak canggih,huh)

x .

Fityan

2011-01-21T20:09:00.004+02:00

This morning, we recited surah al Kahfi.

Well, me and few of my favourite friends always made discussions about it. Because it's a very interesting surah to ponder. It also relates to us, the fatayat or the youth; so much and in a very advisable way. It was very attractive and lines a few stories that gives us clue of what was happening to the world now.

Because I have exam in next 2 days, and should start studying by now, which I did not even start yet since this morning (this post below), so I just want to share two ayaah from this surah, that I noticed during my recitation this morning, and it kind of giving me some spirits.

May it be some strength in there for all of us.

[Kahf 18:13] We shall narrate their account to you accurately; they were young men who believed in their Lord, and We increased the guidance for them.

[Kahf 18:14] And We made their hearts steadfast when they stood up and said, "Our Lord is the Lord of the heavens and the earth - we shall not worship any other deity except Him - if it were, we have then said something excessive."

Are we the "young men" of 2011, forth and of this age?

InshaAllah, we'll make way towards it.

Thou, thee, thy and thine.

2011-01-21T00:45:00.006+02:00

So, the exam was.....

You get out from the exam ~~hell~~ hall and look around, no smiling faces , walking back home with some friends ,having chitchats of : one of our friend,cried desperately, during exam by the time the doctor announced it's only 30 minutes left, I bet she represents the whole hearts during that moment, the difference was she bursts it out and we all don't. We cried, inside.T_T. and get back home, turn on FB to see bunch of status cursing those MCQs questions. hehe, nothing to blame, it was true, darn difficult.Enough said.

****

I need a little break. Can't really focus, I've tried reading the 1st line of my notes, and keep repeating the same sentence for like 2 hours.

So, I did some webhoppings, reading here and there, searching some sugar-coated spirits. Then, I've been thinking of something, well, I should have been thinking about this earlier, supposedly.

Chess. Well, chessing around would waste quite a time, really. But, it would be pretty interesting when it was played with minds and strategies, well, some of the grandmasters might even use some mathematical and calculations and psychological methods before moving the next piece.Cool,huh. Then I was reading this blog, and get inspired to write about this.

First, it taught me- to set up a goal or an aim. Usually, when I play,I tend to do the directmates, but if it failed, I will try to kill as much pieces of my opponents', then I will aim the chance for any checks, and then to checkmate the opponents' King. So, to set up a vision is quite important because it determines every next step you're about to make, aware of the running processes and the consequences. Thus, giving you more options, too.Let's say, your aim would be just to gain Allah's pleasure in all your deeds and seek repentance of all the mistakes you've made, and that aim, already giving you ideas of what your next steps will be. Be a better Muslim. Simple.

Problem is,setting up a goal is not really what I'm good at.

To think out of the woodchest. Say, your King's been in a checked position, what's your kickback? Move the King elsewhere, or plan a stratagem, asked some bishops or knights or some other pieces to try to protect the King, or settled up by resigning? My 8-year-old sis would think of hiding behind some pawns or running the King afar a square from the "threat",smiling to the ears, thinking that would confirm the safety of the King, but that was an 8-year-old thinker. Same here; at a point, we sometimes feel we'd reached a blunt end, stuck at the sight of obstacles, problems, and failed to think;there actually ways and those trials were just some temporary reminders telling you to get back to your main goal instead of loitering about; forwards, backwards , L or obliques ignorantly.And indeed, these notions of sorting and solving things out definitely demands maturity!

To sacrifice, is sometimes the hardest part. Especially, when your Queen got rid off. Well , for me that was quite a big lost. Why? Because Queen has special controls over things, it combines the power of a rook and a bishop. But, the more the movements, the higher the tendencies of being a target and to be kicked out. Eventually, you'll get to accept the fact that, losing is a must,and is a part of the deal when you start moving your first piece at the beginning. No point to be forever mournful. We still got lines of defence system (knights, bishops, rooks, even the little pawns) as our counterbacks. They were like the supporting cells among cells of our body.

See, we thought our days turn blues, just because we're losing a pair of shoes, until upon the street we met a man with no feet. Be grateful , not by mere "alhamdulillah" or sujud syukur only when all your wishes been granted. Be grateful, practically. This is easier said than done.

So to avoid any undesired consequences, before having the next step, scan our environment. Is it safe enough?Is there any threat or by moving this or that, will open an ample space for King to be attacked? Dilemma usually will put us in the middle of two consequences. Think of the pros and cons. Do istikharah. Well, the misperceptions of istikharah nowadays was; it's just for 'mencari jodoh' and things related to it, in spite of knowing the real purpose of it. Istikharah is needed all the time, to let us choose the best answers and solutions of all our questions in life. To make sure that the results will bring goodness for us fiddunya wal akhirah. Yet, even in choosing an A/B/C/D in an MCQ need istikharah, hehe:)

ps:Atainakum by Shotul Jundil Muslim

pps: This is an unchecked post.Any grammatical error or typo or gibberish should be forgiven or correction are welcomed :D.

Bye.

semanis malus domestica.

2011-01-17T01:21:00.003+02:00

"Aku membayangkan al-mujahid itu sebagai seorang pemuda yang sentiasa membuat persiapan, menyediakan bekalan, berupaya menguasai fikiran yang memenuhi setiap sudut jiwa dan segenap jurusan hatinya.

Dia sentiasa berfikir dan menumpukan perhatian sepenuhnya terhadap persiapan yang terus-menerus. Apabila diseru dia menyahut. Apabila dipanggil dia menjawab.

Pulang dan perginya, perkataan dan bicaranya, kesungguhan dan gurauannya tidak melampaui bidang yang disediakan untuknya. Dia tidak mengambil tugas selain daripada yang telah dituntut ke atasnya.

Dia berjihad di jalanNya. Kamu dapat membaca dari garis wajahnya, melihat pada kilauan matanya dan mendengar pada gerakan lidahnya segala yang bergelora dalam hatinya berupa hawa yang melekat, kesakitan yang terpendam, keazaman yang benar, kesungguhan, cita-cita yang tinggi dan matlamat yang jauh sentiasa memenuhi jiwanya….”

-Imam asSyahid Hassan al-Banna-

ps: Alhamdulillah. Sedikit pencerahan untuk hati. Exam juga tarbiyah, tapi kenapa terasa seperti jauh. Dan jauh.T_T

I'm only into dream things, fanatico.

2011-01-10T19:27:00.004+02:00

He who dreams of drinking wine may weep when morning comes; he who dreams of weeping may in the morning go off to hunt. While he is dreaming he does not know it is a dream, and in his dream he may even try to interpret a dream. Only after he wakes does he know it was a dream. And someday there will be a great awakening when we know that this is all a great dream. Yet the stupid believe they are awake, busily and brightly assuming they understand things, calling this man ruler, that one herdsman ‑ how dense! Confucius and you are both dreaming! And when I say you are dreaming, I am dreaming, too. Words like these will be labeled the Supreme Swindle. Yet, after ten thousand generations, a great sage may appear who will know their meaning, and it will still be as though he appeared with astonishing speed.

-Zhuàngzi, "Discussion on making all things equal".

Kehidupan ini umpama mimpi,dan kita sedang tidur.Dan, kita akan benar-benar terjaga apabila hari akhirat itu tiba.

-Saidina Ali r.a-

Similarities. What more to say?

ps: couldn't talk much about Saidina Ali nowadays, people are craving to label you The Shi'ites.

x

tu et moi : The Damsel with a Dulcimer.

2011-01-01T02:57:00.000+02:00

“The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence.

I knew perfectly well the cars were making a noise, and the people in them and behind the lit windows of the buildings were making a noise, and the river was making a noise, but I couldn’t hear a thing. The city hung in my window, flat as a poster, glittering and blinking, but it might just as well not have been there at all, for the good it did me.” -Sylvia Plath.

***

I was just hanging up a call from a friend just now, and that dribble drops couldn;t stop themselves weaving, down and down through the steep isle of these finespun core of mine. Why, I should have laughed at that bizarre reflection. She's a frail, and so waiting for an end. Losing your other half, your last piece of a puzzle, your 50% of self-confidence; making parts of your personality centre in your brain to be shred off ,torn off, pieces to debris until you become the remnants of a flexible schizophreniac and as unstable as a francium. Yesterday, I was the mastermind of a play, and the next day, I was just a silly little girl who cries at the lost sight of her mother.Those days, were like, a scarce rang of a telephone, you ran to pick it up, eventually having yourself perplexed at an equivocal codes left to be deciphered. You've tried, at the toughest going it could get, however, an amorphous mixture of errors were most likely to be your pertinent aims. Till, you just forgot to live the reality.

That's one reason how Inception could incepted me that much.Dreams, reality, losing, subtle art, limbo, denials, architecture, totem. Nick of seconds from now, I will be sitting by the windowsill, talking to myself about how grave things were at school, how funny the most humorless things could be, and how perfect it is to be remain unnoticed. Because all of these art nouveau dialogues; soon or sooner might be just an interesting monologue between me and those stars above. And boxes of totems you left me, will just jolt my tears down. To scorn these satire fondness of being irregularly myself again, is inevitably impossible. Because, optimist was always the last in my dictionary.

I chose an "S" to be labelled up the first page and I ought to stick at the word strong.Now.

Bye.

ps : The Damsel with a Qanbus would sound nice, but it doesn;t rhymes.

pps; meet Absolem .And he's not a caterpillar.

2010-12-24T17:59:00.000+02:00

“I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me. My love’s not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write about my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I’ll ever have. And you cannot regard your own life with objective curiosity all the time.”

- The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (published in 2000)

twinkling nebulas

2010-12-23T05:20:00.005+02:00

Great things happened, bad things?were only drops of vinegar to a morning croissant. That sure is your frown source. Weird and unlikely, but that's how you learn what different is , isn't it? - and it teaches you how to deal with it ; honey, sugar cube or a sip of tea. So, you see. Sweets and sours, they mostly came in a package.

I unintentionally planned for the hiatus, it just that, I couldn't just have blurt stuffs out at a time , it's like puking out my year and a half lunch at a single huge cough, which means, I may lied. And that's not sweet ;)

****

One after another.Then, another. I will be just a bystander with a gigantic fake smile, with a wish. Hugging a number.;(

Well, that's totally fine for me. It does!

I just think it was some kind of negative augmentation. Which is not.

"She's obviously in denial".

****

And an intense inspiration came to shake awaken her dead vardogr, to write again, to paint the most melancholy contradanza on this void broadsheet, singing up an infinity sonnet.

Where should I start? FIK? It went quite well, and I still think that little notes I made were really shooting me back right on the forehead. Be a good Muslim ,Iman!

I should reorganize myself now.

Bye.

ps: btw, I really loved chess, and dramas.==

perfect stuffedup messy-ness.

2010-12-02T23:49:00.005+02:00

Instead of a clean, sturdy , neat, untouched workspace, I prefer this. Because I'm a real piler. I made piles. Piles of piles of cool piles.

rad-o!.

2010-11-03T14:11:00.003+02:00

You brought along with you luggages of goodies. Perfect goodies.

But no one seems so interested in you.

It's all about the attitude, buddy. It's all about it.

I'm not a surprise.I'm just a Jack in the box.

2010-11-01T22:15:00.003+02:00

You can't expect anything from me.

Because I am 99.99% out of your sceptical judgements.

And the other 0.01% were probably you, hallucinating.

keluar dari kepompong hiatus.

2010-10-30T21:55:00.003+02:00

It's not that I don't want to get involve, I just loathe the attitude.

Thanks for the sweet agonizing pies they gave me. I rather lived with another thousand dwarfs. And I am not a Snow White, by the way.

ps: hey, opinions are like our belly buttons.Everyone got one. Just ignore blather saids.

hiatus

2010-10-13T10:23:00.000+02:00

A page with a poem on it is less attractive than a page with a poem on it and some tea stains. – Anne Carson

x.

a marakas.

2010-10-07T01:12:00.005+02:00

"so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache."

What an aerosphere!

you weren't my tears.

2010-09-23T12:55:00.003+03:00

Every day, I went there every single day.I've been laying flowers on your bloody grave for three years.From the day you were buried until this morning.I was there again only just now.But that was the last time..Because from now on, as far as I'm concerned, you no longer exist...

-La Mecanique de Coeur, Mathias Malzieu.

Just a word or none.

2010-09-20T19:52:00.003+03:00

Salam.

Weeks , or can I say days before the roller-boarding back to Dusty Land.sobs.

Too many things had happened, fast and clicking flash enough, for me to remember just the details of it. Most of it were just some smudged misty paintings.

And thanks to the wishes and wishes from all.

opaque.

2010-08-28T17:20:00.002+02:00

So much to do ,
so little time.

Sorry friends.

x

People

2010-08-05T00:21:00.003+03:00

I like people quite well,

at a little distance.

I like to see them passing and passing

and going their own way.

especially if I see their aloneness alive in them.

Yet I don't want them to come near.

If they will only leave me alone

I can still have the illusion that there is room enough in the world.

D.H.Lawrence

2010-07-31T18:51:00.003+03:00

Berdusta atas orang yang tidak bersalah lebih berat dari segenap langit , kebenaran lebih luas dari bumi , hati yang menerima lebih luas dari lautan, ketamakan dan kedengkian lebih panas dari api.Kebutuhan akan kerabat apabila tidak berhasil lebih dingin dari salju, hati orang kafir lebih keras dari batu dan penghasut apabila terbongkar perkaranya lebih hina dari orang papa.

-Tazkiyatun Nafs, Sa'id Hawwa.

oh, look.She wrote a story!

2010-07-26T06:59:00.007+03:00

Few days back, I joined a jaulah to Ra'sul Bahr.However the most important part of it was having to visit some of the maqams (commemorate tombs of the ulama' and the accompany of Rasulullah, too) which I found it quite a new escapades for a beginner like me in exploring the secret beneath this Land of Anbiya'. We also visited the grapes fields. The green grapes was dusty and we couldn;t tell whether it has ripen yet because of the colour, but since we couldn't raise even a raisin field in Malaysia ,so we did captured some pics of it.

The theme was "Explore the sun, emblozen the ukhuwah". Well, the theme maybe sound astounding at sight, but I couldn;t catch the meaning? I don;t even find "emblozen" in dictionary. I hope next year's theme will be much better:)

Alhamdulillah, the jaulah was a success.Congratulations to all!

I wonder when isit the perfect time for my posts to sound a bit happy.

2010-07-05T22:09:00.004+03:00

Well, I skipped a day of posting. Maybe eagerness alone does not seem enough to stir a good writing mood.

So my brother eventually flee off from his very comfortable nest at home and trying to be a good university student with good grades or dean lists maybe , and perhaps be a somebody , a better somebody, I hoped so. And prioritizing our very own deen, Mr Fathuddeen.

Hopeless and guilt-ridden atmosphere. It was like a dark rainy clouds were following each of my step. It was agitating and ruthless indeed.

I once made a status on my FB and YM ; " a sip of an earl grey tea on a cerise evening". I am waiting and longed for the very next cerise evening which I'll grew a pair of black wings, and fly off to the citrus country I dreamt of. Because certain days were very hard to reach, only in dreams. I don;t know when is the right time to be contented and when it's supposed to be very miserable. I'm not picky on time.It just that, obviously, I looked only for excuses so that the ache will go.Lithium just fits my scarring heart perfectly ;a metal, fragile, high reactivity tolerance, and when cut open show some lustres and sheen of mayhem. at times.

I'm tired of being fooled. Because you might find some reasons why people keep changing personality because they're doing things behind our back and they tend to forget that The Avenger(al-Muntaqim), never even seconds neglected your deeds. The bad one nor the good one.(99:7-8), I once was a forgiver, until I felt that I was totally a plain dork, that lives in venial for a long time and never even had a chance to greet my own reflections. And those tongue was quilted with fibs and spiky said. I tried hard enough to avoid so I don;t get hurt .Unfortunately, the seeds of ill-doomed ripe before it's due date. I am wrong to choose the path of being an unforgiver but I was too tired living in a good side. All things were paid enough with bullshits. I declared it.now,

Maybe I need a guidance, just a coin of it. :(. for the misbehave soul.

ps: I am that sinister, sarcastic, lunatic and cryptic and even not a human.

Bye.

Selamat Tinggal

2010-07-03T23:54:00.000+03:00

selamat tinggal wahai dunia duka,
dan selamat datang wahai dunia iman,
burung yang patah sayapnya,
takkan mati kerana lukanya,
wahai hatiku yang sedih perangainya,
sungguh kesedihan itu telah meninggalkan diriku,
kan terbang aku ke dunia cinta,
kerana aku MUSLIM,
yang membumbung dengan iman,
gelarku adalah muslim dan itu cukup bagiku,
aku termasuk ke dalam tentera keimanan,
al-Quran adalah cahaya dan sinar,
Islam adalah kecintaan dan kerinduanku,
dekaplah wahai dunia kesucian,
sehingga sentuhan kasihmu menemui perasaanku,
temanku adalah kebersihan dan kesucian,
pahlawan tentera ar-Rahman,
di bawah naungan agama aku hidup,
untuk menebus keislamanku yang nyaris sirna,
sehingga aku menjadi khalifah di dunia,
dan mengibarkan tinggi-tinggi panji al-Quran...

-IKIM.fm-

of yesternights soul.

2010-06-30T23:38:00.001+03:00

Candle’s story how can I tell?
Of the broken heart’s living hell?
My sorrow is in how I can find
Another who knows these sorrows well.

نی قصه آن شمع چگل بتوان گفـت
نی حال دل سوخته دل بتوان گفـت
غم در دل تنگ من از آن است که نیست
یک دوست که با او غم دل بتوان گفت

-Hafez of Persia : Rubaiyat 1-10-

blame me.

2010-06-29T02:20:00.004+03:00

Bragging off of materials , personal belongings and all was quite a phenomenon these days huh.

I'm tired.of keeping things to myself.

And being less than perfect ;or totally nowhere even to be near an almost perfect. I should start to outline the limit lines of desires vs reality with a permanent markers and learn how to bear bitterness.I already walked through paces of spiral animosity with no confidence at all.

There is a hadith narrated by *Bukhari and Muslim;

"Look at the person who is inferior to you; and do not look at one who is superior to you. Thereby you would be able to appreciate better the benevolences of God bestowed upon you."

Shoot me ,I'm a pessimist.I never ever managed to find the "inferiors" as it is. I think the mediocre of all ;was me. The king of losers. I don't have anything good in life.

I found weird people almost frequently and I'm not a great actress. Especially when it comes to honesty. When I don't like things, I don;t know how to act as I like them.It just too FAKE.

So, I'm trying to love every single thing so that I don;t have to act nice at time. However, sometimes the good side of you are just too tired to treat things as they should be and so the dark side took its role and serves things right.

There are too many inexplicable things in my mind.

Later.

even a butterfly knows when is the right time to change.

2010-06-25T22:11:00.004+03:00

Time is irredeemable.

Every minute painted different patterns of metamorphosis , emphasized on attitude and maturity, even it looked somehow elementary yet, still seems a distant miles for some dim-witted that thought looking perfect was as easy as being one.

I'm not sure which metaphor suits this condition. I wanted to speak and make things clear, but will last having troublesome picking up smithereens of a broken heart and adding up a bigger wound over the old one.

Waving a white flag was never in my dictionary. But being simply numb just making things worst. They took over, and hell, things went off it's way. Question marks was just a gimmick and the awful spontaneous sounds was all an act, just to defy that lonely heart. Just face it. I don;t really mind being labelled with "what-a-label" stickers. Arrogance and childishood does not seem to really attract me that much, you'll be tired and annoyed making fun of people with a nil response you weren't hoping for. And losing, sometimes were enough a saviour.

Their strategy is simple : make 'em pissed off.

ps : There is a mushroom with a door in Wonderland. I'm drawing a Flamingo Lolita in there.Catch me if you can.

Bye.

a letter without words.a song without a rhyme.

2010-06-24T05:11:00.009+03:00

Born of the abnormalities.

********

I heard nature is a loyal fiancé.Is it?

And the night comes again. From where I sew my swollen cut, I could see that yesterday mirage star.The vibrant scintillate was a complete suave that came along with the pitch of a medieval druthers.

And it was like a football player with a leg that never know how to kick and never learn how to goal. That must be one of reasons why I hate football and know nothing about it. Except for the charming smile of Christiano Ronaldo.I hope I mentioned the name right.Because I always made typos on people's name. And why do I suddenly jumped into ball things?

I was supposed to be AllanPoe's stanzas soulmate.

OK, I admit I am disappointed.

ps: Is there any crestfallemnesiac disease? If there is, I hope they won't invent any antidote for it.

Pinocchio is not a puppet, it;s someone with a long nose.

2010-06-22T01:39:00.006+03:00

Spice and silk routes of whatever.

In any spur of moment now on, I will burst into confutation, besides eagerly waiting for a phone call and longing for some shades of Persimmon through out my window, and a riddle.

And the riddle.It goes- "Myriads will end when one is deceived, but one will awaken when all is dead".

I thought I was dreaming.They said ignorance is bliss, until I woke up the next morning to see it was still there. I should have screamed some blasphemous curses however grudges aren;t worth it, so,I should have smiled then, but I don;t think I was coated with any sparkles of glad that moment.I'm not sure how I should react.Instead of pinching my cheeks or slapping a face to make sure I was already in the cosmos of realism , I grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom.

It was after 15 times reading it.

Fanaticism was an ecstatic scourge . I define it as a mortal,an immature fallacy and a Voldemort. It wastes your age and tortures every single layer of you.Especially when the five becomes a three , and an awesome rad smiles becomes a mere dork.;( by what I mean of DBSK and Matsuda Shota. ugh. Stop it, Iman.

It's been a while after my last poem which is in the middle of Sem 3 I think, since writing needs a strong inspiration that actually drove and pulled you up off the stairs of exotic delusional world of unlimited fantasies ; which, I've lost the key already. I'm not sure if I'm dealing with the right air of narcissism because that odour of jealousy was really a thing dude. Osmosis is one way out of that gradient of hatred. I know you've graduated from Malfoy's alma mater, just be a little nice for one time.It is easier to appreciate than to loathe nonsense.

Bye.

ps: To start is to kill.

a sneak peek of The Annotated Alice.

2010-06-03T01:38:00.003+03:00

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Alice,

"without pictures or conversations?".

ps: That is totally a Pharma.

and what?

2010-05-29T22:02:00.006+03:00

And I thought carrots were just for rabbits.It's NOT.

*********

I don't really mind.In fact, I seriously didn't want secrets to be whispered to a bandersnatch ears, of course. So, I decided to work the language a clandestine and let them play in their minds or just be forgotten.That's better;).

Somehow, double roads doesn't seem friendly at all; makes you frowned and muddled up in the middle. You should have read Frost's once, about his confusion in taking a landmark to continue his journey, and lasts taking the hardest,hopefully the best path of his life.And he did. I was now, being a pessimist, doesn;t even have the will to even choose, what more of trying. I was suffocated by the options I rhymed with my own hums in my morning shower; I thought it was my time tunnel. It was an absolute astray, it was.

The next time I blinked my eyes, I hope yesteryears was just a bread-and-butterfly I found through that glass mirror so I could save my smile for a future.

Now, let's learn how an incredulous portmanteau could save letters. Frumious?

*****

Melody and Harmony-Colours<3

ps: Patinn! 생일축하합니다 (saengil cukha hamnida)... I hope that stripes pinky thing doesn't match my shoes so much, so I didn't need to borrow it from you ! hehe:D

fairies don't laugh at their tales.

2010-05-29T21:21:00.002+03:00

"We love each other like matches in the dark. We don't talk, we catch fire instead".
-Mathias Malzieu

De Lune diary(unrevealed).

2010-05-26T20:38:00.004+03:00

Someone got carried away.

Just themselves alone.

*****

Through these ebony silence, I am still being a watcher. Yes, the message was lucidly spelled, it just you with your terrible tongue. Never been able to catch the sign and stop sticking with the 'still' thing. Because complicator was just there, giving you hopes that someday, they will be there along with a lace-curtained carriage, and a great smile. It was all a testament of self-contemptuous, never mind the frails.That was just a nightmare ,even how lovely or sensible it seems.

Well, Muqette is back.

*****

On a moment, you were sketching some beautiful masterpiece, perfect. Whilst, some slight distracting noise on another vignette attract you;

erase it.

You'll never get the same one you lost, but a better, perhaps a charcoal briquette might turn orange to honour that brief finale.

The strongest person was the one with the strongest heart.:)

nomad

just one wish

anonymous

Nostalgic V

be..

Asiya

everything's coated

because virtual listener isn't just enough

hiatus

it's your night, Alice (off to Wonderland)

paraphernalia

Rintihan

time

17 Disember

16 December

reincarnation

I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with

unplanned hiatus

bereft of crimson

uncertainties

nak jadi Banquo ke? silakan

psychedelic

PYPH

done here

"tonight i can write the saddest lines"

"Experience is just a fancy name that you give to your mistakes".

Hikmat Cinta

awet seperti jeruk di dalam balang

mediocre

sopor spell I

carpe diem

ne m'oubliez pas

to tip the balance

SegiTiga Bulan

dominion

Go beyond your little world and find the grandeur of God's world

Nostalgic IV

Seni bina adalah menifestasi nilai dan budaya hidup kita – oleh Prof Dr Mohamad Tajuddin Mohamad Rasdi

Nostalgic III

Extract of ‘Take Care of Your Souls’ By Sheikh Hamza Yusuf

Q : why do people have to leave each other?

never met her in real life

connoiseur

twitter much?

Rosemarie Urquico

distortion

Nostalgic II

of torturology

setiap hari

duologist

Nostalgic I

The Faaliq I

runtunkan egomu, O swellhead

a black snake in the belly crawling over your body?

Hazihi sabili

skiing on sky

by Dr D.Adia

of an aloof nightmares

yet another phase of a heart rendering stanza.

troublesome (finale)

troublesome (part 3)

troublesome (part 2)

troublesome (part 1)

you're a weasel.

dawn to dusk.

have you decide yours?

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

The sickle moon and a daunty owl.

And no birds sing

Fityan

Thou, thee, thy and thine.

semanis malus domestica.

I'm only into dream things, fanatico.

tu et moi : The Damsel with a Dulcimer.

twinkling nebulas

perfect stuffedup messy-ness.

I'm not a surprise.I'm just a Jack in the box.

keluar dari kepompong hiatus.

hiatus

A page with a poem on it is less attractive than a page with a poem on it and some tea stains. – Anne Carsonx.

A page with a poem on it is less attractive than a page with a poem on it and some tea stains. – Anne Carson

x.